Some of you all may have noticed that I haven't really been too vocal lately. Not on FB as much...not really sending out as many twitter updates (from me or FMG). That's because life has been happening. I've been walking this walk of faith for a while now. I've gained a lot of new perspective, found a deeper faith in God that I didn't think that I really had, gained a greater love for people, etc. It has been interesting to say the least. It's been a crazy season. And it all started with a dream.
This journey started shortly after Nyomi, our daughter, was born. She was born on October 30th, 2009 (3 years ago tomorrow). After Nyomi was born, the Lord really turned my wife's heart in the direction of staying home to raise her. Jeneil was working at the church at that time. After Nyomi came, we were still in the process of trying to decide what to do. It would definitely affect us financially for Jeneil to stay home. However, we really felt like it was something that God wanted us to do. We decided to ask the church board if Jeneil could work from home. In January of 2010, I attended a youth leaders' conference in Dallas. We were still trying to figure out what our plans would be. Jeneil called me the second night that I was there. We talked for a little while...just catching up. Then she was about to bring up the topic of her staying at home. She stopped short and said, "We can talk about all of this when you get back." Then I told her, "No, let's talk about it. Maybe the Lord will give me a dream." I meant a dream that would give us some direction in which route to take. Well guess what? HE DID.
That night I had a dream that felt real. I knew it was from God. I typed it out and here's what I typed...
I dreamed that Jeneil and I were in the sanctuary. We were sitting on the second row of the right section (near the band). Jeneil was sitting next to the isle closest to the center section and I was sitting next to her. All of a sudden the ground opened up where we were sitting. The ground split created a pretty big and dark hole. Even though the hole was big, it was pretty easy to avoid falling in so I stepped over the hole. The only thing I had to worry about was catching my balance, but once I stepped over the hole (towards the center section) I got my balance pretty quickly. Then I saw Jeneil fall in the hole with a few others that I didn’t recognize. She had a calm face and it didn’t look like she tried to avoid the pit. When I saw her fall into the pit, I immediately went into weeping. I was crying pretty excessively over the fact that I had lost her.
The scene changed. My sister Kim and I were sitting but we were still in the church. I didn’t see the hole anymore. I remember sitting in the church and every time I would think of losing Jeneil I would cry pretty excessively. I started to think about how I wouldn’t be able to survive emotionally without her. Then I started thinking about how I wouldn’t be able to raise Nyomi without her. Then I started to wonder how I would pay for the mortgage without her. (In the dream, I somehow knew that we had just recently committed to buy a huge house.) Then I found myself sitting next to my sister Kim. While I was sitting next to Kim, Kim mentioned something about Jeneil and I started to cry. Then Kim encouraged me to move on (as in “move on with my life”). I got the feeling that she was encouraging me to find someone else now that Jeneil was gone. Then Kim pointed to someone and said “What about her?” Kim pointed to the stage/altar area. I looked and there was a girl at the altar. She looked to be about 25 or so. She was facing the stage so I didn’t see her face. She had long black hair and a pink sweater on. When I saw her I knew her name was “Nikki” even though no one told me her name. Then I turned back to Kim and said “That’s not what I want.” I then noticed that we were not in the church anymore. I got the feeling that we were in a park because I noticed that we were sitting on a bench and there were pebbles by our feet. I took time out to inspect and touch the pebbles. Then I saw Jeneil next to Kim. When I saw Jeneil on the other side of Kim I said, “I don’t want anyone else. Why can’t I just have her (Jeneil)?” Then Ricky (my brother) came from out of nowhere and sat on Jeneil’s lap with his back facing me. When I went to touch Jeneil, she disappeared and Ricky was still sitting there.
The scene changed once more and Jeneil and I were doing a walk through of the house we were going to buy. I was still very grieved about losing her. We walked through the huge house. It was a two-story house with two huge bedrooms on the top floor and a huge living room. Then Jeneil came up to me and asked, “Why are you so sad about me leaving?” I responded, “I just miss you, that’s all.” She gave me a hug and said “I know you do.” The hug she gave me seemed like she was trying to reassure me everything was going to be ok even though she never verbalized it. She was smiling really big when she hugged me.
Pretty deep right? If you are thoroughly confused, I'll break the dream down and give you what I believe the interpretation means. CLICK HERE TO READ PART TWO.