Tuesday, October 30, 2012

The Transition: The Dream That Started It All (pt 2)

When I woke up from the dream, I woke up shaken. The sadness I had about losing Jeneil in the dream felt so real that I woke up sad and panting. Because I knew the dream was from God, I started to ask God to give me interpretation. The meaning was hidden to me but I knew it had to do with the discussion that Jeneil and I had the night before. Proverbs 25:2 says, "It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honor of kings is to search out a matter." And so the search began. I began searching the Word to find out how to interpret dreams. Jeneil and I went to a conference that had to do with dreams and interpretation. I typed out the dream and sent it to a couple of people who flow in the prophetic gifting. (Jeneil had a dream a few nights later so we typed that one out and sent it as well.) We gained a lot of initial insight but most of it has been a progressive revelation. As I'm living life, the Holy Spirit will tell me what part of the dream I'm in and what certain symbols mean. I'll give you what has been interpreted so far and I believe the rest of the dream means.

"I dreamed that Jeneil and I were in the sanctuary. We were sitting on the second row of the right section (near the band). Jeneil was sitting next to the isle closest to the center section and I was sitting next to her." 

- Like any word from God, I had to take this in context. In real life, we were both working at the church. 

"All of a sudden the ground opened up where we were sitting. The ground split created a pretty big and dark hole. Even though the hole was big, it was pretty easy to avoid falling in so I stepped over the hole. The only thing I had to worry about was catching my balance, but once I stepped over the hole (towards the center section) I got my balance pretty quickly. Then I saw Jeneil fall in the hole with a few others that I didn’t recognize. She had a calm face and it didn’t look like she tried to avoid the pit. When I saw her fall into the pit, I immediately went into weeping. I was crying pretty excessively over the fact that I had lost her."

 - Again, context. The night before, we were talking about our plans of having Jeneil work from home and what would happen if that didn't work. Jeneil falling in the dark hole meant that our plans for her working from home would "fall through". The darkness of the hole represented uncertainty...us feeling like we didn't know what was ahead. I believe at this time I was working part time at the church so that I could establish the record label as much as I could. My crossing over the pit was a representation of me returning to full time at the church. I was crying because...well...I was scared.

"The scene changed but we were still in the church. I didn’t see the hole anymore. I remember sitting in the church and every time I would think of losing Jeneil I would cry pretty excessively. I started to think about how I wouldn’t be able to survive emotionally without her. Then I started thinking about how I wouldn’t be able to raise Nyomi without her. Then I started to wonder how I would pay for the mortgage without her. (In the dream, I somehow knew that we had just recently committed to buy a huge house.)"

- In this part of the dream, the Holy Spirit was showing me how much I depended on Jeneil. I leaned on my wife for everything...emotionally, in the raising of Nyomi, and financially (at the time she was working at the church, she made more money than me).

"Then I found myself sitting next to my sister Kim. While I was sitting next to Kim, Kim mentioned something about Jeneil and I started to cry. Then Kim encouraged me to move on (as in “move on with my life”). I got the feeling that they were encouraging me to find someone else now that Jeneil was gone."

 - God used this part of the dream to tell me that Kim would begin to encourage me to trust in and rely on other people. Later on, Kim accepted a job at the church as the secretary. (Is that God or what? He knows all things...way before we do.) From the time Kim has been on staff, she has done just that. And she didn't even know about the dream.

"Then Kim pointed to someone and said “What about her?” Kim pointed to the stage/altar area. I looked and there was a girl at the altar. She looked to be about 25 or so. She was facing the stage so I didn’t see her face. She had long black hair and a pink sweater on. When I saw her I knew her name was “Nikki” even though no one told me her name. Then I turned back to Kim and said “That’s not what I want.”"

- When I woke up from the dream, I knew I had to see what the name "Nikki" meant. It's short for Nichole which means "overcomer, victory". In short, Kim was trying to point me to "victory" by trusting young adults. During this time at our church we didn't have a young adults ministry...or young adults for that matter. (That's why the girl in the dream was faceless.) Now...there's a lot of them. And we all pretty much have the same passion. Evangelism, discipleship and art. However, I had trust issues. So while Kim was trying to get me to trust, I was fighting it.

**I'm currently living in the following section of the dream. Up to this point, we moved out in faith and Jeneil stays at home with Nyomi. We were good for a while. The Lord was providing through the record label and other means to sustain us. Then things got rough.**

"I then noticed that we were not in the church anymore. I got the feeling that we were in a park because I noticed that we were sitting on a bench and there were pebbles by our feet. I took time out to inspect and touch the pebbles. Then I saw Jeneil next to Kim. When I saw Jeneil on the other side of Kim I said, “I don’t want anyone else. Why can’t I just have her (Jeneil)?” Then Ricky came from out of nowhere and sat on Jeneil’s lap with his back facing me. When I went to touch Jeneil, she disappeared and Ricky was still sitting there."

- At the time, I felt like the park represented a time of peace. Parks, Peace...right? Well, it does...sort of. It also represents us not being in our home for a season. Context: During the time that we were trying to figure out finances, a couple suggested that we rent out our home. I had already thought of that but when they suggested it, the Holy Spirit reminded me of this part of the dream. We are in the process of moving out now. When I moved the pebbles around in the dream, it symbolized me taking this season to arrange some fragmented foundations of my life into God's order. There are so many pieces that the Lord has given me but I need to put them in a solid order and structure so that I can build from there. Times would get hard and I would want the old way of relying on Jeneil for everything but God wouldn't let that happen. Instead, he would replace reliance on Jeneil with reliance on other "brothers and sisters" in Christ.

**Hope for the future.**

"The scene changed once more and Jeneil and I were doing a walk through of the house we were going to buy. I was still very grieved about losing her. We walked through the huge house. It was a two-story house with two huge bedrooms on the top floor and a huge living room. Then Jeneil came up to me and asked, “Why are you so sad about me leaving?” I responded, “I just miss you, that’s all.” She gave me a hug and said “I know you do.” The hug she gave me seemed like she was trying to reassure me everything was going to be ok even though she never verbalized it. She was smiling really big when she hugged me."

- I believe this symbolizes what is to come for my family and ministry. I think that the two bedrooms symbolizes a few things...one obviously represents Nyomi and the now new addition to our family. I guess we'll have to find out together what the other meanings are. I feel like the house as a whole means "new" ministry on a bigger scale. There will also be a deeper sense of unity and purpose for my wife and me. I'm sure God will show me more as I'm living it. He was gracious to encourage me with this part. In these rough times when I'm still somewhat afraid, I often refer to the Word of God for His promises...and this part of the dream.

In the next blog, I'll explain to you how this process has been on emotions, faith, relationships and other areas of life. CLICK HERE TO READ PART THREE.

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