On Passively Leading...

As I'm going through my leadership journey, I've begun to notice a few things about myself. One of the things I've noticed is how my leadership style has changed. As I stated in my last blog, there were some ideas that I had about leadership that were just off. I was young. I didn't know how to treat people right. It was kind of rough for those people who served in any ministry that I oversaw. But not all of my leadership qualities were bad. There's one in particular that I would like to regain. That risky, edgy, raw side of leadership.

The thing about me is...I am sort of an extreme personally. "Be ye hot or be ye cold!" Or something like that. I gravitate towards extreme characters in the bible like John the Baptist and Elijah. Dudes were just raw! I could relate. I had no problem confronting people or situations that needed confronting. And I had little to no fear of consequences. For example: in my early youth leader days, I shut down the entire youth band. I felt like they were up there for show & their personal lives didn't reflect holiness at the time. So we did what no thriving youth ministry wants to do. We went to CDs instead of a live band. And it was awkward. And in my zealousness, I did make poor decisions on the particulars of how it was handled. And kids and parents got hurt. And God had grace on me because He saw my heart. It was a radical decision but it was made for Him. And despite of my mistakes, his presence showed up and we had kids giving their lives to God, powerful altar ministry, kids prophesying and seeing visions. Our youth ministry began to grow...not because we had parties. God knows it wasn't because of parties. My mindset back then was, "Who needs fellowship to have fun? The altar is fun!" Wow! Man those days!

As I grew, something happened. I began to notice how I could grow in leadership. I realized the culture in which I was serving. Most everybody around me was so chill. Some were radical in their personalities but not when it came to interaction with others. And the ones who were radical with others were also immature in the way they handled things. The insecurities and the flat out wrong was so apparent that I began to despise the confrontational side of myself. I was like, "Look at the people I've hurt. Look at the people these radical people are hurting. I don't want to be that anymore." I was also grappling with some theological issues of grace and works at the time. "Does God do it or do we do it?" I decided that it was much easier if God changed people's hearts. But in extreme fashion, I leaned all the way to the "God does it" side. And that resulted in passive leadership. I became the nice guy. I sought to "understand rather than be understood", include everyone in every decision, and wait for the "right time" or for "God to move on their hearts" in order to make crucial decisions. And I must admit, it's easy and stressful at the same time. But things don't really get done that way. At least not in a timely manner.

I'm now beginning to walk in the balance. I needed both of these leadership experiences. I need to understand that collaboration is very important. I also need to understand that as a leader, it's my job to pull the trigger and make the tough decisions. I feel my edginess coming back. This time it's tempered with more love and compassion than I've ever had in my life. And about that grace/works thing...that may have to be a totally separate post entirely.

I'm still learning and still growing. Just keep me in prayer! And thank you for reading!

Jarrell

Behind The Scenes of the White Rags Video Shoot!

Here goes some behind the scene footage of the White Rags music video! This was filmed in and around the Wheatley Courts. I didn't know how much was really going on out there haha! It was definitely an awesome experience. We took advantage of the opportunity to minister to some of the residents of the community a day or two before the shoot. We were also able to lead a few to Christ on the day of the shoot as well. Praise God! Hope you enjoy...

"Theology Thursday" feat Jeneil Flowers is UP NOW! (part 2)

I am not exactly a “kid” person. I love teenagers, but toddlers and kids…that’s a little tougher for me. Add to that I didn’t exactly have the best relationship with my mother due to her Paranoia Schizophrenia, and I was sure that my baby was going to be a baby girl . I wondered, "How am I going to communicate the truth of God and His ways with an infant as I go along my day?" The Lord knows they don’t come home from the hospital speaking or even understanding the English language! How will she comprehend my theological discussion? I believe that the answer the Lord gave me was to be an imitator of Christ.

What did Christ do in this situation when he spoke with “spiritual infants”? He spoke in parables. He communicated His teaching from God in a relevant and easy way. So I sought the Lord for the specific details on how to do that with this child I was carrying at the time. Well, the first instruction that the Lord gave me to help me in this process was choosing her name. We named her two renditions of Hebrew names that meant, "pleasant and beautiful lamb". “That’s it!” I thought. “I will teach her that she is like a lamb and she can choose to follow the One Good Shepherd. Then, as she gets older, I can teach her what the Good Shepherd says about how 'pleasant and beautiful' lambs should live. And of course every time we go to the zoo we’ll pay the extra 10 bucks to feed the sheep by hand!” (LOL, I have never even been to a petting zoo, so this may or may not ever happen!)

So there I was registering everything imaginable with a lamb on it for my baby showers. My little lamb will wake up every morning to lamb sheets, lamb blankets, lamb changing pad covers, stuffed toy lambs, and even a lamb mural painted on the wall that says, “The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. Ps. 23:1 (NLT)” in the sky! Over the top, you say? Maybe. Or maybe I am just pricking her heart with a very vivid impression of my faith. Don’t worry, I am not deceived into thinking that Nyomi, my daughter, will never stray away from the way of the Lord just because we read Psalms 23 every night while she wears her lamb pj’s! But I do believe the Lord will bless the wisdom of her parents to apply the instruction of the Lord not only in their individual lives but in the life of the child He gave them. So maybe one day down the road you will hear me referring to the one true God as the God of Emmitt (my dad), Jeneil, and Nyomi.

My Weekend (part 2)

Have you ever been in a conversation and said something that you know offended someone? You just feel it, right? Well this was one of those times. Most of these people were Hispanics who didn't look like they went to church much. In San Antonio, Catholicism is huge. I think it's safe to say that most of the Hispanic population here is, has been, or is very familiar with Catholicism. To most, Catholicism is their only concept of Jesus. So to say that Jesus wasn't "catholic"? True, but not very sensitive and not prompted by the Holy Spirit. Truth can be very offensive if not given at the proper time. Needless to say, the first half of my set was rough. By God's grace, the Lord assisted me through the rest of the set.

I was feeling totally useless after the evening was done. I was at our product table thinking, "I'm not coming back here." This is an annual event that I do...and I felt like I just offended about 200 people. So get this! As I was sulking in my mind, this dude comes up to me. (He was one of the few that came to my table that night.) He comes up and says, "I really like your music." I smile and say, "Thank you! What church do you attend?" "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints", he says. In my mind I'm like, "Wow. A Mormon likes my music. What is he gonna say next?" Then he says, "I just wanted to stop by and tell you that you're doing a great job with your music. Don't ever give up. Keep doing it because you're definitely changing things and you're changing people." As strange as this may sound, I knew the Lord sent him my way to tell me that. God and His sense of humor! I was just discussing the Word with a few mormons that came to my house the other day. Those conversations always seem to go the same way. I ask questions, they can't answer, we agree to disagree, I challenge them to let the bible speak for itself, and I lead them in a prayer asking God to show us the truth. But this one was different! I knew God sent this man my way to encourage me. And I didn't say anything back except "thank you so much". (Note: This is not a Mormon promotion. I still disagree with the teachings of the Mormon church because they are contrary to the word of God. However, Jesus is Lord of all. He can use whoever he wants whenever he wants.)

Last night I learned my lesson, properly prepared and the Holy Spirit was with me. Huge difference! I did most of the same songs that I did the night before. The response was totally different though. I wasn't just ministering mind-to-mind or emotion-to-emotion. I was ministering "spirit-to-spirit" as my wife would say. This weekend was just another reminder that I'm nothing without the Lord. Christ is everything and He knows how to minister to His people better than I do. This was definitely not one of my best weekends but hey...the Lord taught me something. I'm gonna try to keep this memory in my mind and refer to it the next time I start feeling discouraged. I'm an artist and a human being. There will be a next time. Fortunately, I don't have to be ruled by emotions next time.

In closing, one other thing that helped me with my weekend was reading my friend Rachel Gallagher's blog. She's guest blogging for me this Thursday but she sent it in to me this weekend. Perfect timing, Rachel! Thank you. Make sure you come back this Thursday. You'll definitely be encouraged.

Thanks for reading,

Jarrell

My Weekend (part 1)

This weekend was a very interesting one for me. Very emotional. Let me give you a little reason for my "emo-ness". I'm an artist in between projects.

One day my wife and I were having a pretty deep conversation and she said that she read something that gave her some insight into my emo personality. She read that people who are creative generally go through a rough process in order to create something. After the thing is created, the artist (or preacher, or whoever) is on a high...but then the high wears off after a while. Then the artist goes into this state of mild depression until his/her creativity is sparked again. (Of course she told me this during one of my down moments.) Just a little FYI, this doesn't HAVE TO happen to all artists. It only applies to the ones who are choosing to be led by their emotions rather than trust in God. Since Jeneil shared that with me, I've been on the lookout for the devil's trap. It's really helped me to be aware of what's going on with me. Getting to the weekend...

So on this particular weekend, I was feeling a little less than excited about ministering. I found out that a concert that I was scheduled to minister at later on this year got canceled. (And I was really looking forward to that one too.) I couldn't get in the studio last week either. Nothing seemed to be going the way I wanted it to go. I was in one of those "why-am-I-even-ministering-through-music" kinda attitudes. I was like, "There are so many other ministers out there. I'm not needed. I'm not effective here anymore." I had two day block party that I was ministering at this weekend. It started Saturday night and ended last night. It was an outdoor event so I was already drained by the time I got up to rap. I prayed before I got up there but it wasn't nearly the preparation that I should've done...because I was in my mood, remember?

I will say this as a parenthetical statement. My preparation is everything. I am not the best rapper out there. I know of local talent who can run circles around me as far as skills are concerned. I'm talented but I'm not stellar. I know the only thing that separates me from others is my preparation. I ask God that His glory be seen and not mine. And I spend time with God until I know that He's up there with me. That's where all of the passion (an even on-the-spot revelation) comes from. Unfortunately, not a lot of artists do this. Most of the time they go up there in their own strength and arrogance and depend on their skills to win people over. Every time I've done that I've failed. And it's not a good feeling.

So I get up on stage...spiritually unprepared. I start off with the a capella verse. In that verse, I make a statement about Jesus not being Catholic...

(To be continued...)