Thursday, October 16, 2014

I Wanted To Be An Artist...So How Did I End Up Here?

Where am I?

I am currently at Faith Outreach Center Intl where I serve as an elder and full time staff member. I oversee the youth ministry, the children's ministry, the kids sports ministry, the dance ministry and our two worship teams. I know that it sounds like a lot but in's much much more! Each ministry comes with its own set of challenges, expectations, and most importantly people who are growing in various stages just like me. I started the oversight of these additional ministries at the beginning of 2013. To say the least, this has been crazy for me. And today? Well, excuse my grammar but uh...
You know how kids and some young adults say that taking care of children serves as their birth control...cuz the kids are so crazy and they realize that babies aren't something they really want? Yeah...I recently had a meeting like that. I've never wanted to be a lead pastor or a counseling pastor. That meeting was just a reminder of that.

Yeah, I said that I never wanted to be a lead pastor or a counseling pastor. (Let me say that I don't ever want to become a traditional pastor.) Preaching sermons on a weekly basis. Sitting in an office and counseling people all day long. Planning for the next church event. And if I'm really good, then maybe I can have a TV ministry. Nah man, that's not me. I'm getting confirmation as I type this lol! Originally, I just wanted to do music and encourage kids to be passionate about God. How did I get here?

Well, let me tell you. I sought more responsibility for a purpose that could be summed up into one word: movement. I feel like God has wired me for movements. There is just something in me that wants to see lots of people in love with Christ, united in Christ, and on mission for Christ. For the past 10 years, I've been walking through a path of discovery. I've been trying to figure out how this ministry thing works with my passion for music. It's been a crazy process and I've been here...waiting for something amazing.

The waiting season feels like a valley. I've questioned everything. Weird thoughts have gone through my head.
"Why do I feel like I have to plow a new road? There is no new road."
"Everyone is doing what I'm doing. I'm not needed."
"It would be so much easier living a boring life."

Sometimes I feel like I can conquer the world. Other days I feel like I'm not the one. I just want to run and hide. The other day, I actually had a wish cross through my mind - a wish of a simple life of chillin' on the couch, eating and watching movies. Sounds stupid. But listen...

I was on my to a concert the other day with wife and kids in tow. We had to stop by Office Depot to pick up CD cases so that we could have CDs to sell at the concert. While I was in the parking lot waiting for my wife to come out of the store, and I saw this girl coming out of Office Depot. She looked like she was just getting off of work. Red hair. Office Depot uniform. And she was walking towards HEB with her face deep in her phone. I thought, "This girl is done with work. She's probably gonna cash her check or get something to eat and just chill!" She looked like the stressful part of her life was done and she actually had relief. That sounded so good to me. I was running late for a sound check on the other side of town. For a minute, I just wanted to run away from my life and go wherever she was chill! Sometimes I look at people who work 9-5 jobs and I wish I were them. The hours are determined. Business is business. But I know that, deep down inside, I would be miserable if a 9-5 was my life day in and day out. It's for some people. Just not for me.

So now I'm here. Divine Providence got me here and fear kept me from moving forward while here. But as I mentioned earlier... I'm moving forward. I can feel God fanning into flame the hunger for His presence and the desire to express His beauty through art. Passion is coming back. Creativity is coming back. I don't have all of the answers. I don't know fully how this is gonna work with my current responsibilities. But I know that I have to step out. I feel the urgency. The time is now!

Thanks for reading!


  1. man I love it Jarrell, Youve always encouraged me. There's scripture where it says Our lives our open letters. keep it bro. we need to do lunch soon!!

  2. Thank you bro. I'm definitely down!