Loving Teens in an Unloving World
Did you know that 60 years ago, teenagers did not exist? That is, as a separate cultural group. Before the industrial age, teens worked on their parents' farms until they got married. With industrialization, teens had a choice. They could be a weaver, a cobbler, or a machinist. But they still lived with their parents until they got married; usually in the late teens.
In the modern world teens have high school, college, and often graduate school before they get married. So they are with parents much longer. This is good news, because it gives us greater opportunity to influence their lives for good. Remember, the quality of your marriage is your greatest means of influence. They will remember your model long after they have forgotten your words.
Never Stop Loving
Do you ever get frustrated with your teenager? The teenager has a strong pull toward independence and is going through radical physical and emotional change. They are greatly influenced by their peers. In fact we often speak of teenage culture.
That culture focuses on music, dress, language, and behavior. This has often created a great divide between teens and parents. So, at a time when the teen most needs moral and spiritual guidance, parents are often rejected. Don't allow your differences to keep you from loving your teen. Love keeps the door open for your positive influence. Learn your teens love language and speak it daily. They never outgrow their need for love.
The Age of Reason
Adolescence is the age of reason. Teenagers are beginning to think logically. We say they are argumentative. Many parents have said through the years, "I think my teenager is going to be an attorney, he is so good at arguments." In reality the teen is developing his mental skills. If parents don't realize this they can create an adversarial relationship where the teen does not feel free to flex his intellectual muscles.
How do we create a positive atmosphere where we can have meaningful dialogue with our budding philosopher? In one word: love. When the teen feels loved he still may not agree with parents, but he will respect them; and be influenced by their opinions.
Recognize the Changed Culture
In my book, The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, I try to help parents understand contemporary teens. Their world is vastly different from the world in which we grew up. Think of these five areas:
Technology - They are bombarded with sights & sounds.
Knowledge and exposure to violence - it is daily and they are keenly aware of it.
The fragmented family - One teen said, "I'm the only student in my class living with my real mother and father."
Knowledge of and exposure to sexuality - overtly sexual messages bombard our teenagers daily.
Neutral moral and religious values - They are told that there are no moral absolutes.
Do you understand why I am so concerned that parents learn to love teens effectively?
Parents Take Heed
If I had one message to give to the parents of teenagers it would be this: Please remember that you still have the greatest influence on your son or daughter. We have heard so much about peer pressure, that many parents have given up on trying to influence their teen. All of the research indicates that parents have far more influence on the behavior of teens than do their peers.
Your own behavior is your greatest influence. If you are a person of honesty, loyalty, and commitment, you are greatly influencing your teen. If you give them a model of a loving marriage you are creating for them emotional security. Teens respect parents of integrity. They want you to be their hero.
Wondering what your teen's love language is? Check out the online assessment at
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/parents-of-teenagers/
Adapted from The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.5lovelanguages.com.
Showing posts with label religious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label religious. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Prophetic Dreams and Visions (pt 3)
So before I continue with the story, I think that you shoud know that when I started part 1 of this little series I had no idea that this whole wallet situation was going to happen. I was actually going to share another recent dream that had (and continues to have) a huge impact on my life. I chose to talk about this dream and the wallet situation because this was so fresh and so relevant to our little discussion here. I should also let you know that the Lord has been dealing with me about the importance of a solid prayer life. And, of course, when the Lord wants to begin to teach you something, the enemy is always there to fight against that. I have been having an extremely difficult time praying and studying. I know we all struggle because our flesh doesn't wanna pray or read...and we have that struggle everyday. But this is not that. I feel that there is some extra hindrance there. So when I tell you the rest of this story, please understand that God in His sovereignty is trying to teach me the importance of prayer. I'm no prayer warrior...although I'd like to be. With that being said, let's get back to the situation.
I was in the car having a breakdown. The Lord told me that someone had my wallet (and for those of you who thought that the someone was me, it wasn't lol!) When the Lord told me that someone had my wallet, I asked the Lord to "crush" whoever had it. Mind you, I was pretty frustrated when I prayed the prayer. To my knowledge, this wasn't a "righteous" indignation. It was a "someone-has-my-wallet-so-I-hope-they-get-what-they-deserve" indignation. After I said that I figured, "No use complaining. What's done is done. Let me start cancelling cards and hope that there are no crazy charges to my account." I drove back to the church, and posted on Facebook that I lost my wallet and that I was now cancelling cards. You all saw it. You all showed sympathy. I thank you for that! When I got back to the church, I called a pastor friend of mine to tell him that I had to cancel my appointment with him because I didnt have a driver's license. We got to talking about a little bit of what we would've talked about had we kept the meeting. While I was on the phone with him, Faith (our receptionist/children's ministry extraodinaire) comes and tells me that there is a police officer on the phone for me. Now I received a call from a police officer last week. He wanted to rent the gym and I am the one that handles those requests. And because I didn't even make a police report about my wallet possibly being stolen, I just assumed it was the officer calling about gym rental. I asked Faith (yes, that's her real name) to forward the call to my voicemail. Thank the Lord she didn't. She instead asked my wife to take the call. I was still on the phone with the pastor when my wife came down. She told me to talk to her after I got off of the phone and said to me, "it's about your wallet." I thought she was just gonna encourage me to get the ball rolling on card cancellations and such. I'm a procrastinator.
After I finished my call, I went to go talk to my wife. Little did I know that the call was from a police officer who found 3 of my cards: my personal debit card, my business debit card, and a capital one mastercard. Now out of everything in my wallet, these were the things I was most concerned about. The police officer told my wife that he would come by the church and give me my cards. Crazy! But what's even crazier is how it all happened...
When the police officer came and dropped off my cards, he told me the story. He said that he was dispatched after the police station received a call from a cafe right up the street from the our church. He said that the cafe reported that there was a person sitting outside of the cafe that looked pretty sick. The officer who was dispatched happened to be a Christian. When the officer arrived at the scene, he asked the young man for some ID. When the young man gave the police officer the information, the officer pulled up some information on the man. Turns out the young man had warrants for his arrest. The officer then searched the man and, in searching his wallet, he found my cards! You're probably thinking, "How did he know to contact your church?" I told you earlier that this man was a Christian man, right. Well this same man went to a men's conference that my dad and I attended 2 years ago. When he saw the last name he told me that his thoughts were, "I wonder if this is the same Flowers that pastors Faith Outreach..." He pulls up the church information in his computer, calls the church, and ends up talking to Faith...who tried to tell me the officer was calling...etc. The young man who had my cards tried telling the officer that he just found the cards. The officer said that the young man was stoned on methodone and had weed in his pocket...so with that and the warrants, he ended up going to jail. When the officer pulls up, he's listening to KDRY 1100. Funny thing, I just did an interview taping on KDRY the day before. He told me that he remembered the church because he visited once and loved it lol! God is awesome.
Think about this! Had I not had that dream (and the confirmation of the God's voice), I wouldn't have randomly (and in my opinion quite fleshly) asked God for justice. And God in His sovereignty heard my request and brought justice to me. I still have take care of things like getting a new driver's license, etc. But you know what? After a miracle like that I have to believe that if God really wanted me to have my whole wallet back he would've given it to me. So as this relates to dreams, God doesn't do things haphazardly. God also cares about the little stuff...and will give you a dream to change the course of your life (like He did in my other dream) or to give you a simple word of knowledge about something seemingly insignificant. I might share the other dream with you sometime...much crazier than this story. I know this was pretty long. Thank you for reading.
Jarrell
I was in the car having a breakdown. The Lord told me that someone had my wallet (and for those of you who thought that the someone was me, it wasn't lol!) When the Lord told me that someone had my wallet, I asked the Lord to "crush" whoever had it. Mind you, I was pretty frustrated when I prayed the prayer. To my knowledge, this wasn't a "righteous" indignation. It was a "someone-has-my-wallet-so-I-hope-they-get-what-they-deserve" indignation. After I said that I figured, "No use complaining. What's done is done. Let me start cancelling cards and hope that there are no crazy charges to my account." I drove back to the church, and posted on Facebook that I lost my wallet and that I was now cancelling cards. You all saw it. You all showed sympathy. I thank you for that! When I got back to the church, I called a pastor friend of mine to tell him that I had to cancel my appointment with him because I didnt have a driver's license. We got to talking about a little bit of what we would've talked about had we kept the meeting. While I was on the phone with him, Faith (our receptionist/children's ministry extraodinaire) comes and tells me that there is a police officer on the phone for me. Now I received a call from a police officer last week. He wanted to rent the gym and I am the one that handles those requests. And because I didn't even make a police report about my wallet possibly being stolen, I just assumed it was the officer calling about gym rental. I asked Faith (yes, that's her real name) to forward the call to my voicemail. Thank the Lord she didn't. She instead asked my wife to take the call. I was still on the phone with the pastor when my wife came down. She told me to talk to her after I got off of the phone and said to me, "it's about your wallet." I thought she was just gonna encourage me to get the ball rolling on card cancellations and such. I'm a procrastinator.
After I finished my call, I went to go talk to my wife. Little did I know that the call was from a police officer who found 3 of my cards: my personal debit card, my business debit card, and a capital one mastercard. Now out of everything in my wallet, these were the things I was most concerned about. The police officer told my wife that he would come by the church and give me my cards. Crazy! But what's even crazier is how it all happened...
When the police officer came and dropped off my cards, he told me the story. He said that he was dispatched after the police station received a call from a cafe right up the street from the our church. He said that the cafe reported that there was a person sitting outside of the cafe that looked pretty sick. The officer who was dispatched happened to be a Christian. When the officer arrived at the scene, he asked the young man for some ID. When the young man gave the police officer the information, the officer pulled up some information on the man. Turns out the young man had warrants for his arrest. The officer then searched the man and, in searching his wallet, he found my cards! You're probably thinking, "How did he know to contact your church?" I told you earlier that this man was a Christian man, right. Well this same man went to a men's conference that my dad and I attended 2 years ago. When he saw the last name he told me that his thoughts were, "I wonder if this is the same Flowers that pastors Faith Outreach..." He pulls up the church information in his computer, calls the church, and ends up talking to Faith...who tried to tell me the officer was calling...etc. The young man who had my cards tried telling the officer that he just found the cards. The officer said that the young man was stoned on methodone and had weed in his pocket...so with that and the warrants, he ended up going to jail. When the officer pulls up, he's listening to KDRY 1100. Funny thing, I just did an interview taping on KDRY the day before. He told me that he remembered the church because he visited once and loved it lol! God is awesome.
Think about this! Had I not had that dream (and the confirmation of the God's voice), I wouldn't have randomly (and in my opinion quite fleshly) asked God for justice. And God in His sovereignty heard my request and brought justice to me. I still have take care of things like getting a new driver's license, etc. But you know what? After a miracle like that I have to believe that if God really wanted me to have my whole wallet back he would've given it to me. So as this relates to dreams, God doesn't do things haphazardly. God also cares about the little stuff...and will give you a dream to change the course of your life (like He did in my other dream) or to give you a simple word of knowledge about something seemingly insignificant. I might share the other dream with you sometime...much crazier than this story. I know this was pretty long. Thank you for reading.
Jarrell
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Prophetic Dreams and Visions (pt 1)
Dreams and visions, dreams and visions, dreams and visions! Does God still use dreams and visions today?? Yes.
There are many instances of God using dreams and visions to speak to people both in the old and the new testament. I've always thought that this was pretty cool. Joseph (old testament) dreamed, Jacob (old testament) dreamed, Joseph (new testament) dreamed, Peter and many others had visions, Pharaoh and Nebuchadnezzar both dreamed. And this is just scratching the surface! It's just awesome that God can use whatever way He chooses to speak to us. I personally love to dream (although sometimes I get lazy and don't want to search for the interpretation). God has began to use dreams powerfully in my life. In fact, when I'm searching for confirmation on a relatively big decision, I ask God to give me a dream and most of the time He does.
I will make this statement parenthetically but I've got to say it because it's pretty important. We as believers have to believe in the supernatural. We must also identify those who have the gift of interpreting dreams in the body. Just as God gave the grace to Daniel and Joseph to interpret dreams in the old testament, He gives that same grace to others in the body today. First believe that the grace for interpreting dreams exists, then search for it in the body. There are many treasures that God has laid in these earthen vessels. Ultimately the treasure is Christ, but there's so much more to Christ than we know.
Ok so please let me briefly validate dreams and visions with one of my favorite verses. We all know the passage in Joel 2:28-29 and the retweet in Acts 2:17-18. But there's another scripture about dreams that I want to show you. The following verse has helped me tremendously when it comes to this subject...
Job 33:14-18
14 For God does speak — now one way, now another —
though man may not perceive it.
15 In a dream, in a vision of the night,
when deep sleep falls on men
as they slumber in their beds,
16 he may speak in their ears
and terrify them with warnings,
17 to turn man from wrongdoing
and keep him from pride,
18 to preserve his soul from the pit,
his life from perishing by the sword.
NIV
Incredible. God speaks in many ways but man does not always see it. One way God speaks to us is through dreams and visions of the night. Now this may be hard for us to believe because sometimes our dream life is nothing short of carnal. It's because our dreams have sometimes left us with meditations of lustful thoughts, murderous thoughts, and all kinds of craziness, we tend to dismiss dreams as a valid tool for God. Think of your dream life as a tool. The tool is used by the user for a specific purpose. What if you had a tool and a person with muddy and slimy hands came and borrowed your tool? The tool would be dirty. That's what happens to our dream life when we allow the hands of the enemy to shape and mold our thought life. Our dreams become dirty. Fill yourself with the Word and you will experience authority in your dream life. God will be able to use that tool to "show you things to come".
I'll have to finish this at another time! I've got some crazy stuff to share with you about how God has recently used my personal dream life to lead me in the path of His righteousness for His name's sake. Stay tuned for part 2!
There are many instances of God using dreams and visions to speak to people both in the old and the new testament. I've always thought that this was pretty cool. Joseph (old testament) dreamed, Jacob (old testament) dreamed, Joseph (new testament) dreamed, Peter and many others had visions, Pharaoh and Nebuchadnezzar both dreamed. And this is just scratching the surface! It's just awesome that God can use whatever way He chooses to speak to us. I personally love to dream (although sometimes I get lazy and don't want to search for the interpretation). God has began to use dreams powerfully in my life. In fact, when I'm searching for confirmation on a relatively big decision, I ask God to give me a dream and most of the time He does.
I will make this statement parenthetically but I've got to say it because it's pretty important. We as believers have to believe in the supernatural. We must also identify those who have the gift of interpreting dreams in the body. Just as God gave the grace to Daniel and Joseph to interpret dreams in the old testament, He gives that same grace to others in the body today. First believe that the grace for interpreting dreams exists, then search for it in the body. There are many treasures that God has laid in these earthen vessels. Ultimately the treasure is Christ, but there's so much more to Christ than we know.
Ok so please let me briefly validate dreams and visions with one of my favorite verses. We all know the passage in Joel 2:28-29 and the retweet in Acts 2:17-18. But there's another scripture about dreams that I want to show you. The following verse has helped me tremendously when it comes to this subject...
Job 33:14-18
14 For God does speak — now one way, now another —
though man may not perceive it.
15 In a dream, in a vision of the night,
when deep sleep falls on men
as they slumber in their beds,
16 he may speak in their ears
and terrify them with warnings,
17 to turn man from wrongdoing
and keep him from pride,
18 to preserve his soul from the pit,
his life from perishing by the sword.
NIV
Incredible. God speaks in many ways but man does not always see it. One way God speaks to us is through dreams and visions of the night. Now this may be hard for us to believe because sometimes our dream life is nothing short of carnal. It's because our dreams have sometimes left us with meditations of lustful thoughts, murderous thoughts, and all kinds of craziness, we tend to dismiss dreams as a valid tool for God. Think of your dream life as a tool. The tool is used by the user for a specific purpose. What if you had a tool and a person with muddy and slimy hands came and borrowed your tool? The tool would be dirty. That's what happens to our dream life when we allow the hands of the enemy to shape and mold our thought life. Our dreams become dirty. Fill yourself with the Word and you will experience authority in your dream life. God will be able to use that tool to "show you things to come".
I'll have to finish this at another time! I've got some crazy stuff to share with you about how God has recently used my personal dream life to lead me in the path of His righteousness for His name's sake. Stay tuned for part 2!
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