Monday, July 25, 2011

My Weekend (part 1)

This weekend was a very interesting one for me. Very emotional. Let me give you a little reason for my "emo-ness". I'm an artist in between projects.

One day my wife and I were having a pretty deep conversation and she said that she read something that gave her some insight into my emo personality. She read that people who are creative generally go through a rough process in order to create something. After the thing is created, the artist (or preacher, or whoever) is on a high...but then the high wears off after a while. Then the artist goes into this state of mild depression until his/her creativity is sparked again. (Of course she told me this during one of my down moments.) Just a little FYI, this doesn't HAVE TO happen to all artists. It only applies to the ones who are choosing to be led by their emotions rather than trust in God. Since Jeneil shared that with me, I've been on the lookout for the devil's trap. It's really helped me to be aware of what's going on with me. Getting to the weekend...

So on this particular weekend, I was feeling a little less than excited about ministering. I found out that a concert that I was scheduled to minister at later on this year got canceled. (And I was really looking forward to that one too.) I couldn't get in the studio last week either. Nothing seemed to be going the way I wanted it to go. I was in one of those "why-am-I-even-ministering-through-music" kinda attitudes. I was like, "There are so many other ministers out there. I'm not needed. I'm not effective here anymore." I had two day block party that I was ministering at this weekend. It started Saturday night and ended last night. It was an outdoor event so I was already drained by the time I got up to rap. I prayed before I got up there but it wasn't nearly the preparation that I should've done...because I was in my mood, remember?

I will say this as a parenthetical statement. My preparation is everything. I am not the best rapper out there. I know of local talent who can run circles around me as far as skills are concerned. I'm talented but I'm not stellar. I know the only thing that separates me from others is my preparation. I ask God that His glory be seen and not mine. And I spend time with God until I know that He's up there with me. That's where all of the passion (an even on-the-spot revelation) comes from. Unfortunately, not a lot of artists do this. Most of the time they go up there in their own strength and arrogance and depend on their skills to win people over. Every time I've done that I've failed. And it's not a good feeling.

So I get up on stage...spiritually unprepared. I start off with the a capella verse. In that verse, I make a statement about Jesus not being Catholic...

(To be continued...)

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